Thought Provoking

     Someone asked me a few weeks ago, whether or not I could rekindle a relationship with someone that hurt me. I’m not just talking about a regular hurt. I’m talking about a deep sense of betrayal that rocks the foundation of a person’s ability to trust. I had to think about this for a second. The ability to forgive is relative. First, it depends on how much a person cares about someone. It also depends on the commitment level both people have to repair the relationship. A completely new foundation has to be laid for this concept to work. It’s very difficult to trust someone that has deceived you. A person has to consider the previous dynamics of a relationship to determine if reconciliation is even worth it. Did you have a decent relationship before? If you can admit that you were ever happy with a person, then this might be the right idea. Many believe that once you see a person’s character, you should run as fast as you can. In many cases, this might be the right solution, but we must also consider what was happening in a person’s life at the time of the situation. For example, if a person has experienced some type of loss in their life that they cannot process in a healthy manner, they might act out in a way that may seem irrational. Also, if a person is angry, he or she may react in a way that contradicts everything in his or her normal personality. For the record, I am not saying that all behavior is excusable. I’m also not saying that we should put ourselves in danger just because a person is having a bad day. What I am saying is that all things must be considered when making important decisions about your future and your happiness. Honestly, I truly don’t believe that couples are able to remain married for 20 or more years because everything was perfect, I believe that they have had plenty of things that occurred in their journey that they had to work through. It’s possible to fall out of love with a person and it takes work to reignite the spark in the relationship. It’s important to maintain a true friendship and a mutual element of respect with your mate. There also should be a strong sense of loyalty present to keep up the momentum of the communication. Plain and simple, it takes work. The most destructive reaction to relationship problems is silence, unless one person or both are angry. We should never allow anger to be our voice to say things to a person we care about. Anger is an emotion. Emotions are temporary fluctuations based on our current circumstance. Sometimes “I’m Sorry” can’t fix the damage of the words spoken. Sometimes the things said in anger cut deeper than the sharpest knife. I don’t say this to sound hopeless, but who feels like constantly starting over with new people? Many people have found that everyone claims to be different, but few people really are. Once we get to a certain age, realistically, our good and available options are few. By a certain age or stage, it’s normal to want a more settled lifestyle. There are times when we all change and our needs must be accommodated. We all must regroup and redirect. It’s nothing wrong with the desire to have a partner to experience life with. Stability becomes more important as we get older. My belief is that anything worth having requires effort. With all things considered, all possibilities should be taken into account before the towel is thrown in. I don’t know if love conquers all, but I believe it can conquer most, if both people take their time and put in the work.