Feel

     When I woke this morning, I just didn’t feel like doing anything. Usually, I already have my complete agenda planned in my head several days in advance of what my next few days would consist of.  I don’t know what happened between last night and today, but I know that I don’t feel the same.  My zest had diminished.  It’s not a physical or an emotional change, but it’s some sort of shift in the atmosphere. Sometimes we can have a feeling of indifference about things that we don’t understand.  Feelings are temporary emotions that fluctuate with every situation.  It’s difficult not to allow your mood to fluctuate when you’re always thinking, but sometimes it’s just better to be numb to keep from throwing a pity party when things don’t turn out the way you want them to.  As much as I like to write, last night that didn’t even work. I was tired of subconsciously asking myself questions about things that obviously don’t have answers or are not for me to know right now.  A person that has a terminal illness may want to know why he or she got sick when they always ate the right foods, stayed active, never drank, used drugs or did anything else detrimental to their bodies.  Someone else might want to know why they never got married when they were a good person, attractive, successful and ultimately open to the possibility of finding a mate.  Another person might wonder why they were never able to bear children when they always desired to be a parent.  We all have many questions that we could ask and no matter how much we try, we can’t seem to come up with an answer that makes any sense. Many times we do an assessment of our lives.  All of us have good, bad, and ugly situations that we must confront.  As we grow and learn more about ourselves, we realize that some things are just beyond our control.  The worst thing in the world is to have questions and not be able to receive an answer.  It’s like trying to solve a math problem that seems impossible.  It just seems unfair to go through life and have to deal with what we consider a dilemma that we don’t agree with, we don’t know why we have it and we ultimately don’t want it.  It’s extremely frustrating when we realize that we have very little control over things that can ultimately control the outcome of our lives. We often wonder whether or not we’re doing the things that we are supposed to be doing. We want to know what our purpose in life is. We try to understand why some things that used to give us fulfillment don’t excite us anymore.  It’s not that anything is wrong; we just want to be reassured that we’re on a path that doesn’t lead to a dead end road.  Unfortunately, some of us never do a self-evaluation and we never think about the outcome of our decisions.  We just act and react to whatever our mood and desires are at any given moment. Some of us have a “throw caution to the wind” type of mentality that often leads to resentment and destruction.  It’s important for us to understand that sometimes things don’t work out for our protection.  It’s even more important not to force the pieces of the puzzle of life in spaces where they don’t fit. We only have the ability to remember our past and see our present.  We do not have the ability to know the outcome of our future.  Sometimes God will strategically do things in our lives when he has a specific goal in mind.  He sees us as precious diamonds. When we see these precious gems in the store, they are shiny and beautiful. We often don’t think about the fact that these gems are formed through crushing pressure and intense heat. When we buy or receive a diamond, we cherish it and we want to protect it.  That’s what God wants to do with us. Once the process of our purpose reveals the splendor of our struggle, it must be safeguarded so it won’t be aborted.  Instead of asking God for what we want, maybe we should ask Him what we are supposed to have. After a while, He will reveal the answers to you, even if you don't understand the process. His will for your life may differ from your desire, but He definitely has your best interest at heart.

Luke 22:42-“Father, if you are willing, take this cup from me; yet not my will, but yours be done.”