Heal

     It’s been 1,095 days since my mother took her last breath. It’s funny how you can vividly remember every account leading up to the inevitable moment when your life changed forever.  You rewind and replay the memories in your mind over and ever trying to numb the feeling each time. I can’t say that grief ever really goes away. I just believe that the initial pain of grief diminishes with each passing day. As time goes on, you begin to embrace the good memories. You start to talk about things more without feeling heaviness in the pit of your stomach.  You start to celebrate the life of your loved one and not internalize the death. You remember how thankful you are for having the time that you spent with them. I’ve been told that the most painful deaths that a person can encounter are the death of a parent or the death of a child. I believe that is true because of the close bond of the parent/child relationship. Honestly, three years have gone by really fast. The first year seemed like every single day was moving in slow motion.  The stage of acceptance is like walking into the new reality that the person that you are so familiar with is no longer here in the earthly realm. They are eternally resting and your memories represent the sacred bond that you must cherish forever. According to recoverfromgrief.com, there are 7 stages of grief.  The first stage is SHOCK AND DENIAL-You will probably react to learning of the loss with numbed disbelief. You may deny the reality of the loss at some level, in order to avoid the pain. Shock provides emotional protection from being overwhelmed all at once. This may last for weeks.  The second stage is- PAIN AND GUILT-As the shock wears off;  it is replaced with the suffering of unbelievable pain. Although excruciating and almost unbearable, it is important that you experience the pain fully, and not hide it, avoid it or escape from it with alcohol or drugs. You may have guilty feelings or remorse over things you did or didn't do with your loved one. Life feels chaotic and scary during this phase. The third stage is-ANGER AND BARGAINING-Frustration gives way to anger, and you may lash out and lay unwarranted blame for the death on someone else. Please try to control this, as permanent damage to your relationships may result. This is a time for the release of bottled up emotion. You may rail against fate, questioning "Why me?" You may also try to bargain in vain with the powers that be for a way out of your despair ("I will never drink again if you just bring him back") Stage 4 is DEPRESSION, REFLECTION and LONELINESS- Just when your friends may think you should be getting on with your life, a long period of sad reflection will likely overtake you. This is a normal stage of grief, so do not be "talked out of it" by well-meaning outsiders. Encouragement from others is not helpful to you during this stage of grieving. Stage 5 is-THE UPWARD TURN-As you start to adjust to life without your dear one; your life becomes a little calmer and more organized. Stage 6 is-RECONSTRUCTION & WORKING THROUGH-As you become more functional, your mind starts working again, and you will find yourself seeking realistic solutions to problems posed by life without your loved one. You will start to work on practical and financial problems and reconstructing yourself and your life without him or her. Stage 7 is- ACCEPTANCE & HOPE-During this, the last of the seven stages in this grief model, you learn to accept and deal with the reality of your situation. Acceptance does not necessarily mean instant happiness. Given the pain and turmoil you have experienced, you can never return to the carefree, untroubled YOU that existed before this tragedy. But you will find a way forward.  Grief is different for every person. Take your time to mourn. If things become too unbearable, there are support groups in every city that are available to help you cope.

Psalm 30:5-Weeping may remain for a night, but rejoicing comes in the morning.