Single is Not a Curse

    As children, especially little girls, we are told fantasies about relationships and marriage. We grew up believing the myth about the knight in shining armor that would ride in on the white horse, and sweep us off our feet. Unfortunately, as we got older, we soon realized that there was very little to no truth to that story. Little girls often idolize their fathers because that is the first man in her life that will set the standard of the man that she should marry.  Women are taught to be family oriented, smart, pretty and dainty. Men treat their little girls like princesses and they grow up with the notion that this is how they should be treated when they start dating. Boys seem to be socialized with different priorities. They are taught to be less emotional. They are taught about sports and things that encompass competition, determination and a bit of aggression. Even today, single women have conversations about marriage and relationships more than fashion or any other topic in the world. To be married seems to be a major accomplishment and a brand new layer of identity for many women. I often hear newly married women refer to themselves as wife as some sort of badge of honor like they had little to no purpose before their union to their mate. Most of the time before a woman gets married, she’s already a mother and prayerfully she already has a career, education and other things in her life that makes her feel important. Men are very different. They do not sit around and talk about marriage often. Instead, they talk about sex. I have also heard men talk in depth about sports and politics. For both men and women, marriage should not define them, they should define the marriage. It’s interesting to view the Facebook pages of single women that change their status to “IN A RELATIONSHIP” almost as soon as they have 3 conversations with a man that they are fond of. Many times there is concrete evidence from pictures to warm and fuzzy statuses that a new love interest is in the midst. Unfortunately, when you check the pages of the love interest, the things that they display are very different. Many times there is little to no evidence, unless there about to be wedding bells, that a woman even exists. In both cases, neither the men, nor the women are wrong. If we examine the difference in the socialization of boys and girls, we can find very valid reasons why we differ as adults. When women reach a certain age, there is a race before time to have children and get married. In today’s society, many women become mothers first, but marriage is still a priority, especially after the age of 30. If a woman is not swept away into the sunset by her prince by 35, she begins to reevaluate her life and question her choices.  Unfortunately, a woman may become very discouraged when she is unmarried. She becomes the target of questions by family members wondering if there is something wrong with her and why has nobody asked for her hand in marriage. At a certain age, she is sometimes seen as a misfit if there is not a man in her life. Sometimes she’s questioned about her sexual preference because single just doesn’t make sense in certain families. I am a firm believer that what God has for you is for you. Many times people jump into situations because they get tired of waiting for the right time, so they tell themselves that they already met the right person. The dating scene gets difficult as we get older. Our choices are few and sometimes our standards are compromised to accommodate the shortage. Although a person may be single doesn’t mean he/she is lonely. Single is a time to get some things in order. It’s a chance to complete some unfinished projects that might have been overlooked.  Nobody knows the future, so if it’s a mate that a person desires, it’s a time for singles to get in the best possible position to attract a suitable mate. “Single” is not a curse, it’s just a state of being in the current situation.  Corinthians 7:8-9 But I say to the unmarried and the widows, it is good for them to remain even as I am, but if they cannot exercise self- control, let them marry. For it is better to marry than to burn with passion.